Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
