I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
