if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
