I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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