did you get engaged???
We won't sleep together?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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