Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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