I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
