Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
