I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
