Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
