Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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