he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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