I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have aggressive nipples.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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