If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
