yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
time to smoke my breakfast
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize