my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize