i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize