6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
