I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
