There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
