i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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