Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
