What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
