Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
