your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
