Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
