i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I currently don't understand fingers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
