in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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