Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
