So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
