i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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