At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
