We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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