Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
