I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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