Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
