Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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