In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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