How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
