he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
