Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
