Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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