I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How external is "for external use only"?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
