the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
