when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize