we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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