sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
