I'm lost and stupid without you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
