Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize