he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
