Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
