You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this will be a night to untag.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
