So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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