Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize