What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
