He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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