I'm gonna have a badass scar
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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