nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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