So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
