OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
