Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
