Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
