Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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