I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
