We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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