I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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