You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
COCAINE IS GR8
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