Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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