I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
