I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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