Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I die, sorry about rent.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
